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RANT: On nipples, nudity and nonsense. The naked truth

Ed Note: I should, by rights, accompany this article with a topless photo, not a head shot. But, ironically, I believe I would be imprisoned for doing so … even though we sexualize everything from orange juice to alcohol in every media ranging from newspapers (Sunshine girls), TV, radio, etc. We spend billions of dollars each year on porn mags, strippers and videos … but apparently, female nudity is only legally acceptable if it somehow denigrates and objectifies the women in question, not if it’s a healthy and honest expression of opposition and personal freedom. Seriously, THINK about that.

I think everyone who feels the inclination should get naked, publicly and right now, and here’s why:

Based on the Facebook pages I follow, nudity and nipples seem to be on the list of today’s most prominent (forgive the pun) issues – and the reactions I’ve seen are more than cause for a vitriolic rant.

To be clear, when I refer to the men who espouse some of the vile, misogynistic filth I’ve seen expressed through social media, I am referring to THOSE men. Not all men. Many of my favourite people in the world are both male and feminist – allies in the war against women-fearing hate speech. And there are plenty of women who would set us back 1,000 years if they could (because of the same fear), even should it hurt them personally. Gender hatred IS the problem here, no question, and no matter in which direction it is aimed.

I am talking to the nipple/breast haters. YOU. Both male and female, YOU are to whom I am speaking, and you know exactly who you are.

To be honest, I have always been something of a prude – until about five years ago, I couldn’t even get naked in a women’s change room at the swimming pool without ducking into a stall and locking the door. I am now, however, an absolute supporter of nudism and of women’s right to go topless, even should I never choose to exercise that right.

I’m seeing posts everywhere condemning teenaged girls for dressing too provocatively (to the point of kicking them out of school for distracting teenaged boys, as if a slight breeze won’t turn that trick), attacking women who show their nipples for reasons ranging from breast cancer awareness to women’s rights to simple breast-feeding, even news articles about neighbours calling the police because they saw a naked toddler within his own yard.

At first I found it all stomach wrenching, but almost amusing, how terrified so many people are of nudity in general and nipples in particular - such a benign body part (you can’t punch someone with a nipple, can’t commit a rape with one, can’t spew hate speech from it).

It’d make FAR more sense to be afraid of fists, penises, and mouths, no?

But logic so rarely enters into heated debates in which fear is the driving factor … and I am no longer amused.

Let’s dispense with the religious lies first, shall we? EVERY codified religion in the world says our bodies are a gift from Above, temples for which we should be grateful and in which we should rejoice. The fear is man-made (double-entendre intended). So let’s shuddup about that, shall we?

This is not about bodies, it’s about fear.

I’ve seen men I believed to be good people say things like, “If it ain’t for sale, don’t put it in the display window.” What, HUH? So you think if you can see a part of me, then it must be for SALE? I won’t even argue such venal, sexist crap .. and you should be deeply and immediately ashamed for speaking about women that way, no kidding.

Welcome to the rape culture, folks.

How about, “It (seeing women topless) creates urges I don’t want to have.”

Again, HUH? You feel "urges" when you see a topless woman, so she should hide herself?

What about her hair? What about her short skirt? Does that turn you on, too? Should she have to cover it? Because of YOUR urges?

Is a burka next? That’s sure where that line of logic is leading.

That's rape culture. Period. Your urges = an excuse to control me, my wardrobe, my choices. The moment you ask that your urges become everyone else's problem (male OR female) is when you support rape culture, because you are blaming someone else for what you want/need/think/feel.

If you are so afraid that the vision of a scrap of naked flesh might goad you into vile urges, thoughts, or behaviours - don't blame me. Get professional help, and for the love of God, do it NOW!

Male bodies create urges in women, too, you know … so why are they allowed to go topless, while we are not even allowed to feed our children for fear some guy might see the curve of our naked breast? Is it perhaps because we trust women not to go completely off the reservation and molest and maul even the most attractive of men, just because we see their bare chests? And why the hell don’t we likewise trust men? And why don’t some men trust themselves even that much?

Men, more than anyone, should be deeply insulted by this logic – as my brother pointed out, he’s appalled that some people think he’s just one glimpse of skin away from reverting to a Paleolithic, knuckle-dragging rapist, and how dare anyone ever think that of him?

This is logic ONLY applied to female bodies, I might add.

A quick wit. That's what rings my bell and gives me “urges”. So all men should have to act stupid because of my urges?! Good luck passing THAT law. The whole concept is surpassingly stupid, when you really examine it for its merit … that is, if you can pry your eyes away from scoping out the nearest rack.

Besides, these guys aren’t scared of their urges at all – a barely-covered breast is FAR more titillating than a fully exposed one, and we see bikini-clad hotties walking down Columbia every day in the summer months. It’s a red-herring, cowardly excuse to hide from the truth. These men are not afraid of naked women. These men are afraid of emancipated women. Period. (Yes, I keep using that word, because I suspect they are afraid of periods, too).

So, to you knuggle-dragging, self-involved, misogynistic, irresponsible jackasses who are so afraid of nipples that you would try to steal away from me my freedom of choice, let me be so clear as to make your ears bleed:

MY nipples.  MY business. Period.

Stop staring at my ass long enough to get your head out of your own.

Rant over.