OP/ED: Feminism: we've come a long way ... but we're not even close to there yet
By Kyra Hoggan
It’s International Women’s Day – a day I usually use to applaud the progress and accomplishments of my gender.
How cool that few would dare, any longer, refer to us as the “weaker sex” (at least not in our hearing), and that no one bats an eye when a woman’s title is Dr. rather than Mrs. How wonderful to see women in Parliament and the Legislature (although look at the ratios – we’re not there yet, ladies).
I love that I’m no longer expected to burn my bra in solidarity (bras are expensive and, as my colleague so aptly noted, we women need all the support we can get).
But in the face of all this happy self-congratulation, I’d like to suggest there’s more yet to be done than merely patting each other on the backs.
Every year I say this – and every year I take heat for it.
A true feminist must lobby for men’s rights.
Feminism is not about female supremacy – it’s about equality. Seeking dominion over men is, therefore, the very antithesis of feminism.
Feminism is so often grossly misinterpreted. I don’t hate men, in fact, I kinda like them (well … most of them, anyway). I have no desire to dress or act like a man – mustache notwithstanding – and I don’t think any of that has anything to do with feminism.
It’s not about hating men or rejecting our differences – I like our differences, and I choose to shave my armpits regardless the political statement others feel that makes (although I will say, I wish men did likewise).
The operative word there, for anyone who missed it, was “choose”. Feminism is all about getting to choose; defining ourselves; not being locked into antiquated gender stereotypes that ultimately subjugate men and women alike.
I’m still going to wear nylons and high heels – that’s my choice – but I want equal pay for equal work; equal access to all elements of our society; and equal opportunity.
None of that can happen, ladies – none of it – if we don’t ensure men are equal. For you to be equal, so, too must they – look it up in the dictionary, if you doubt me.
So let’s look at some of the inequities.
Men are statistically far more violent than women (90 per cent of all physical domestic abuse is perpetrated by men), but they have nowhere near as much access to mental health services as women. Often, the only time men can receive publicly-funded mental health services like anger management training is a) in prison after committing a violent crime; b) after a psychotic break with full hospitalization, or; c) to address a substance addiction.
Go back to that domestic abuse statistic and ask yourself who we’re hurting when men aren’t given equal access to social safety nets.
Of course, even then, that’s only if he drums up the courage to seek help in the face of grotesque stigma associated with so doing…another way in which our brothers are subjugated.
And how about parenting? We want men to see themselves as equal partners in parenting; sharing the responsibility and workload and, we hope, closeness and joy in the relationship … but only if we’re still married.
Look at the court statistics – when a relationship fails, men simply aren’t considered equal stakeholders in caring for offspring. Well, they are financially … but that’s just money. When it comes to custody, time spent, decision-making – all the things the feminist movement claims to want from modern fathers – they take a dramatic backseat to their female co-parents. The numbers are clear …women get more of the custody, more of the time. Period.
How is that equality?
And does it not foster, in fact forward, the antiquated, sexist notion that women are solely responsible for their children’s emotional well-being (not to mention day-to-day care, from diaper changing to meal preparation to bathing and bedtime), while men’s only responsibility is fiscal?
How does that do anything but violate a feminist persective?
And let’s take a moment to note that I’m only referring to Western society here – woman are still stoned to death for promiscuity in other countries (while their male counterparts go unpunished). They’re still the legal possessions of their fathers and husbands; still subjected to female genital mutilation; honour killings; being burned alive over dowry issues.
How can we congratulate ourselves on our “equality” when the majority of the world still treats us like we’re sub-human? How can we trust we’ll keep that equality when more than half of the world would willingly – nay, gleefully – take it away?
The day our rights are safe is the day all women, the world over, enjoy the same rights – so what are we doing to make that happen? Negotiating with the Taliban sure doesn’t seem, to me, to be a step in the right direction there – but how many women spoke out against that?
C’mon – do we mean it, or don’t we?
Feminism can’t just be about your rights, or my rights.
To be a true feminist; to genuinely entrench the values the feminist movement encompasses; we must begin earnestly fighting for the rights of all those around us – men, women of other nationalities, children, everyone – as well.
I don’t want to spend today celebrating women – I actually think the concept is a tad patronizing – I want to spend it celebrating equality…but it seems to me we need to send out a lot more invites before that party can start.
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